Well, over the weekend I told you we were waiting for some news. Our Korean Specialist had called Friday, left us a message saying, "I have news about your child." and that was it. I called at 7:55 this morning and got our first Korean Specialist who was very helpful. (I still haven't heard from my newly assigned one) She said the news about Olivia is that she will not be coming home this year. I was heartbroken. I think I must have been in shock for a bit as I felt no emotion, but as I walked to pick my students up from music I began to feel sad. Then came the tears. I couldn't help it. They just came. What do you mean she won't be home this year? Well, apparently, Eastern only issues out a set number of visa's a year. Once the quota has been met, that is it! It is April and the quota has been met! Will we ever really get her home? Has anyone else adopting from Eastern gotten this lovely piece of information? Olivia's legals have already been sent to CHSFS, and we were waiting to start the visa process. They are projecting that she will now be home by mid-late February, but how? I just don't see how that is possible. It was going to take 6-8 mos. to get her and now they are going to get it done in the first month of the new year? Am I missing something???? I think my body has felt every emotion possible today. I am trying to 'look at the bright side,' but it is hard.
She will be pushing 2 when she arrives home. That is more time that I have missed and more things that a mother wants to be there for that I am going to have to give up. If you haven't adopted and you are one of those lucky fertile mertile people then you truly have no idea how badly this hurts.
We originally were told she would be home in 4 mos. which would put her at 13 mos. Then the 6-8 mos. which would put her at most 18 mos....now Feb is 20 mos! I know you are thinking that is only 2 mos. later than the last time frame, but 2 mos. is a lot of time! We have waited and been patient for so long that I am just ready to have her.
I guess my bright side is that she is still healthy and she is ours! I was so worried that the phone call was to tell us that something medically had changed. I have been tested with patience for the last 2 1/2- 3 years and I really think I have passed, but we will continue to wait. It is out of our hands and in His. Though we may never know the reason, there is a reason as to why it will be longer. I am such a control freak and this one is WAY out of my hands. I cannot change anything. I am at the mercy of the Lord.
This has been a long day and sad day for us, but I have to remember that He has a plan. Though I personally feel like right now He doesn't hear me, and I am completely obsolete to Him, I know that in truth, I must not be. Please pray for us and Olivia.
I am in the process of picking out a verse for Olivia's 'baby be blessed doll' and this one is standing out to me today:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11
I think I will order the doll with this verse and remember this day (though I would like to forget it, but it is part of her journey) as the day that I realized how much I already care for and love her. She is no longer something I long for, she is a reality. I think that I hadn't quite realized that until today. I will fight for her. I will do whatever I have to. She is our daughter. She is no longer an orphan, but a daughter. Though today saddens me, I hold on to the main goal which is to bring her home and be her mom.
I guess in the scheme of things, 2 mos. isn't a death sentence.
God put Olivia in our lives. She is our daughter. She was made for us. This is all part of the journey. So, in His time we will be together as a family. Until then, I will pray. He hasn't forgotten John, Olivia or me. He has a plan for us.
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