Sunday, June 27, 2010

Happy Birthday Olivia

Dear Olivia,

Today you turn one year old. Though you are half way around the world, and I have never held you in my arms, my heart knows that you are my daughter. I love you so much. I am missing you on this day, but I know that you are in good care. I know that you had your Dol in Korea and I am happy that you could celebrate your first birthday in your home country. I have wondered what item you chose at from the doljabi? I tried to honor you in every way possible for your party here. When everyone sang happy birthday I started to dart for the house so no one would see me cry or hurt, but the truth is that it hurt. I want to hold you in my arms so badly. Each day is another day away from you and you are growing and changing quickly. It is another day that we are not being able to bond.
For some reason, all that is going to change for you has really been on my heart when I think about you turning one. I am not going to lie to you. The transition from Korea with your foster mom, to the USA with us will be hard for all of us. You are going to grieve. You are leaving everything you have ever known, smelled, heard, felt, etc. I feel like the bad guy coming in to take you away, but know that we love you so much. Please also know that your birth mother loved you too. On this day one year ago she gave birth to you. She did the most selfless thing because she loved you so much. She gave you up to give you a better life than she could give you. She is and will always be a part of you. Please know that we can talk about her and you can ask questions. I don't have all the answers, but will try to help you find them if you feel that need.
We are going to have so much fun through life. I don't want to miss anymore than I have to. I can't wait for next summer when you turn 2! I already have the plan for your party! I think about you every minute of the day. (that is absolutely NOT an exaggeration)
Olivia Rae, we love you so much! We can't wait for our phone to ring and hear that you are ready for us to come get you. I would have been there in a heart beat to spend your first birthday with you if it were allowed.



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