GONE! Yep, I lost it! I have done so well keeping my emotions in check. I have put a smile on and when people ask, "how are you doing" I smile and say "great!" Yeah, we all know "great" is a big fat lie, but really that question is not meant to answer with your life troubles. However, last week my hopes were built so high that we would get that call and travel soon (like days not weeks). Well, slowly my high begin to sink. I tried to stay busy, but I could only think, "why haven't we heard?" By Monday, I was really struggling. It was becomming obvious to friends that I was not my normal self. I just kept telling myself, "soon Laura, soon." During recess, I logged on to check my email, and had a email from our agency. It was Olivia's Dol pictures from her 1st birthday. I was excited to see the email, but when I opened it and saw how cute she looked I burst into tears. I realized that I am still getting pictures and not holding her. I had set my brain to think that we would get these pictures from her FM. She will be 19 mos. old on Thursday and today hits the 10th month of waiting. It was more than I could take in at that moment. I hope and pray that this is the last month marker of waiting......
I quickly exited my room and found someone to cover it so I could pull my self together so my kids would not see me upset. The more I let myself cry, the harder I cried. I ended up going to the office so I wouldn't see as many people. I went in our principal's office where I snotted/cried for the next 45 minutes. Both principals sat and talked with me and prayed for John, me and Olivia towards the end. Thank goodness I work in a wonderful family atmosphere! Needless to say, I was emotionally exhausted last night and didn't have it in me to blog about the day.
So.....the pictures that sent me over the edge....here they are! Geeze she is CUTE!
**Side note~ It has taken me 3 1/2 hours to upload these 2 small pics. Bloggers....have you had this trouble? This has happened the last couple of times I go to post a pic. What can I do differently? I can't wait this amount of time in Korea to post lots of pics and video. :)
oh, laura, this is so, so, SO hard. i remember feeling *exactly* the same way, and it was so heartbreaking. praying for you! i know for me, when i felt like i could not take it one second longer was when we got good news. seriously, the day we found out about our VI, i had gone to lunch with a friend and sobbed my way through it and told her i was *done*. three hours later, i was sobbing again but because the state dept told me they could see my little boy's face and that he would be coming home soon. ;) it's going to be a matter of days now, laura, i just know it!
ReplyDeleteand with the pics, try using an outside host, like photobucket. load them up there and then use the html code to load them in your post. you can also use photobucket to make the pictures larger than blogger allows. ;)
Soon dear, praying that you get the call soon!
ReplyDeleteas far as pictures go- make sure your browser is the most up to date version, that helps a lot.
Oh she is so beautiful and looks tiny.
ReplyDeleteI remember those questions so well...how are you doing? I'd always answer good but with close friends that good would be followed by loads of tears. Feel what your feeling...its ok.