**Remember, this is my 'journal' of sorts.....I am honest and putting my feelings out there so I don't drive every friendship or family member away by talking about all of this with every breath I take. I put it here so people don't see me coming and walk the other way. This is where I can explode or just be me for a minute. I realize everyone has issues of their own and they don't talk about it all the time and it isn't fair for me to do so.**
From what we understand, September is the month when Korea is getting to the March referrals. Our referral was March 25th. They have set the cut off based on when paperwork got to Korea. That cut off was apparently April 1st. Our paperwork got to Korea on the 13th. However, I am praying that the government decides to let all the March referrals out. I am hopeful that we can slide by and get Olivia home in 2010.
If you ask me, in my heart of hearts I am trying to believe this. I feel doubtful a little, but if I don't pray believing, then what is the point of praying?
So, if you happen to think of us, please pray that we slide through in the next couple of months. I woke up every hour last night and each time I woke up I found myself praying. I prayed for God to soften the hearts of the officials in Korea. I prayed for Olivia's health. I prayed that we can continue to get through these LONG days knowing that our child is growing and changing daily. I just prayed.
It isn't like she is at daycare and we miss the first step or the first roll over. It isn't a weekend sleepover away at grandma's house. It isn't two or three late nights at work and getting home after she had gone to bed. If that is all I missed I would be so thankful. As of today, we have missed 443 days of her life. We are missing bonding time, smiles, hugs, kisses. We also realize that when she gets home that this will not all happen like magic. She will be scared to death of us and all of the newness. Seriously, we will have an adjustment, but nothing like she will. Imagine leaving your family, country, language, smells, food, bed, EVERYTHING. At least we will come home to something familiar. I know she will get use to us and be happy, but my heart breaks for her to know how sad she will be. It is exhausting to hear people say, "oh, she is little, she will adapt quickly and forget." Really???? Um....NO. It is not an easy process for these babies to come home. It is heartbreaking. The people that make these comments really have NO CLUE. Her life and the way we raise her will be totally different then a "biological" child. Yes, she is our child, but she has a past whereas most of my friends and family have children at birth and have a blank slate, so to speak. We will honor her past and we will love her for everything she is.
Well, I seem to have gotten a bit side tracked. I am very passionate about this, and the majority of people just don't get it. We are blessed to be getting Olivia and we can't wait to have her home! We will do all we can to help her get through her grieving process. Just remember, what if it were YOU that lost EVERYTHING????? How would YOU react???? I would be hysterical! I can't imagine.
So, please pray that we are united as a family sooner rather than later. I feel it is in the best interest for her in the grieving process. Please pray that the 'decision makers' realize this too and send these babies home!
God, please!! I am praying believing, let us go get her and bring her home!!!!! We will wait for the call. I know You have a plan for all of us. I will continue to try to get through each day with a smile. (yes, fake a lot of times) This is by far the hardest test He has given me. I know it isn't more than I can handle. I know I am not the first or last person to be tested like this.
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